She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
