My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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