literally had 100 drinks last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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