If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
