Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
