I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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