I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
