I can tuck mytits in my pants
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
