He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drunk is a universal language darling
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
