can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
