I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
