I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
