I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
