Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
