Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
