She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
