i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
