I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
