he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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