It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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