my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
