I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I came so hard my ears popped.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
