he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
