so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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