I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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