all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
