I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
