when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
