Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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