i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
