I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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