i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
