The maid of honor just puked.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
