you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
