It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
