Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
