and she was petting her beer can
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
