My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
