If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
