I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
