i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
