that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
