Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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