So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
