I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
