The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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