I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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