You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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