I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
