that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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