Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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