If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
